


All is dark, all's not right

by OtakuAngelD



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Comfort, M/M, bunny hates christmas, christmas exchange fic, kotetsu is a great person, secret santa gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 13:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2851622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuAngelD/pseuds/OtakuAngelD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barnaby doesn't do Christmastime. Too many bad memories. He'd rather just be alone. Only not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All is dark, all's not right

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ket3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ket3/gifts).



> This is a secret Santa gift for tumblr user ket3. Their prompt was "Tiger and Bunny on Christmas Eve". I hope they liked it

It was no secret that Barnaby had problems with Christmas time. Though problems were putting it rather mildly. To most people, the holidays were a time of joy and merriment, to him they were a painful reminder of all he had lost. He couldn’t look at a tree, festively lit without seeing it come alive with a blazing fire that was anything but hells inferno. He couldn’t listen to stories of Santa, coming into houses, leaving gifts. Uninvited strangers at the holidays to him didn’t mean presents; it meant dead parents. He couldn’t abide by the parties, so full of happy people, wishing eachother the best. He knew now that it was all a lie. Maverick had trotted him out to these, the prime stallion in his special dog and pony show. He knew he would always feel this way. Always feel the deep cutting loss and he would silently detach from the world for a night, passive aggressively demanding that the world just leave him alone to his empty apartment to allow him to wallow in his misery and battle with the ghosts of Christmas pasts all on his own.

He knew he didn’t have to do it alone. He had friends now. Real friends. Yes, he called them all his rivals, but that was just for show. The other Heroes had proven to him over and over again that in this giant lie that had been his life, these people were the most true and honest thing he had ever encountered. Sometimes, he even considered telling them about his dark thoughts on the happiest of nights but when he saw them, he always reconsidered. Because Christmas was time for families and lovers, not for some co-worker having a hard time of it all. He doubted they even noticed, so wrapped up in the coming festivities.

Even before the eve, he had already been in on all their plans. He put on a brave face and smiled at them, all while knowing that deep inside, he felt hollow. He encouraged them all. Antonio was planning on proposing to Nathan before Kwanzaa. Pao Lin was headed back to China to see her family. Karina had a huge Christmas concert. He was willing to bet money that Keith and Ivan would manage to get that grumpy judge of theirs out of the courthouse. And Kotetsu… Strangely, Kotetsu had been pretty quiet about his plans. Barnaby pretty much assumed that he would spend the holiday with his daughter. It was only right that he did so. Even if, being honest with him, that kind of hurt. Of all the people he wouldn’t actually mind spending time with, Kotetsu was on the top of his list. Leave it to him to fall for some guy with an already teenage daughter. Sometimes he wondered if his own father would have been like Kotetsu, had he lived.

It was a thought he didn’t think of often. Kotetsu equalling father was a little too kinky a thought even for his darkest moments.

That just left him. Alone. Again.

In his apartment, curtains drawn tight against the bright flickering lights outside. Curled up in a ball on his chair, head against his knees, eyes shut tight to avoid tears that he always knew would come. Trying hard not to remember. Trying to think of anything but blazing heat and paralyzing fear. Trying to focus on the fact that the loud popping in the night was fireworks and not a gun. One night. He just needed to get through one night.

He took a shuddering breath, closed his eyes tighter and waited for the slow hours to tick by, second by second. An eternity of harsh misery, making him relive that distant moment over and over again in his head. Worse now that he had a true face to put with the spectre of his childhood trauma.

His fourth replay. The door opened in his mind and a sound jolted him. His door opening in the real world. He was suddenly four again, once more frozen in fear.

"Woah. It’s really dark in here! Light…light..there it is." His head jerked up. Kotetsu. What was he doing here?! He was supposed to be with his daughter. Not here. What was he thinking, always barging into his life at just the wrong time.

His world was suddenly bathed in light. He could hear the older man’s approach but didn’t move. “Why are you here? Don’t you know it’s rude to just let yourself in. Go away.” His best defence, prickly dismissiveness.

He heard a small sound. A little breath. He knew how he must look to Kotetsu, curled upon himself like this. Not even looking at him. But then that infuriating laughter. Why must that fool always laugh? “Don’t be like that, Bunny-chan. I just forgot to give you your present.”

He did look up then. He doubted his glare was as powerful as it could normally be. Death glares and eyes filled with uncried tears didn’t often go together. There was Kotetsu, with his idiot smile on his stupid face. A bottle of his favorite wine and two glasses in his stupid hands. He didn’t miss the concern in his eyes though. Or the care. Damn it. Why did he care so much? Didn’t he know Barnaby was too broken to care about?

"Barnaby, not Bunny." He corrected, on instinct. "Just put it over there and leave. I’m sure you have other places you need to be." He made a weak gesture to a side table.

Kotetsu did as asked, for the most part. But instead of leaving, he walked over after depositing the wine on the table to kneel in front of the chair. To try to catch his eyes. “Barnaby.” Why did he have to sound like that? Why did he have to care so much? “This is where I need to be right now.”

His heart clenched. Damn him. Damn Kotetsu! Damn him for being serious right when it was necessary. Damn him for caring. Damn him for making him…love him so much. Damn him!

"Hey….Hey…Don’t cry…" He felt a rough hand against his face, trying to wipe the tears he didn’t even know where finally falling. Years and years of them that he had stored away.

"And whose fault do you think that is? You better take responsibility for it!" He hated this. Hated that he could be so weak in front of Kotetsu. Only in front of him. It was Kotetsu and he could break. Kotetsu would be there, picking up his pieces and gluing them back together again.

He felt the older man shift to wrap arms about him. It was awkward, him in the chair, Kotetsu on the floor. At the moment, he didn’t even care. It was warm and he needed this. He needed to bury his face in the man’s shoulder. Needed to take in his sent, leech of his warmth, borrow his strength.

He didn’t know how long he sat there like this, just the two of them. Kotetsu holding him, him sobbing into the man’s shoulder. He just knew that when he stopped, Kotetsu would still be there, stroking his hair. Kotetsu would still be there, muttering soft soothing nothings. Kotetsu would still be there because Kotetsu would always be there for him.

He was right. He finally calmed enough to breathe a shaky sigh. He didn’t apologize for his behavior because he already knew, with Kotetsu, he would always be forgiven. Instead, he moved from the chair to fully rest in the man’s lap, arms about him, still holding tightly, unwilling to give up this contact right now.

The hand was still stroking in his hair. Kotetsu was solid under him. His shaky, dark world given light and stability once more. He even managed a smile, lips pressed against a strong shoulder, letting the older man feel it.

He could hear the relief in Kotetsu’s voice. “I hope I got the right kind. I know you’re picky about your wines.”

What? Oh. The present. “It’s fine.” He mumbled into Kotetsu. “It’s perfect.” Why was he so tired suddenly? Kotetsu was so warm and comforting. That had to be it.

"Well, if it’s not…I’m going home tomorrow to spend Christmas Day with the family…"

His heart clenched. Of course. Of course Kotetsu would. The emptiness threatened again. “That’s nice. Say hi to Kaede for me…”

"Say hi to her yourself. I want you to come with. No one should be alone at Christmas." He looked up then. It had just been that tone. The tone of a man that knew. Knew how it felt. It made Barnaby realize yet again, that there was more to Kotetsu than his idiot smile. He remembered that the man had lost a wife and for a long time, had a child who hated him. How many Christmas Eves had he spent alone?

"Strong…" He muttered. Kotetsu was. He was so much stronger than Barnaby gave him credit for.

"What?"

"Make sure your mom has something strong then." He corrected.

"Oh." That laugh again. He found he didn’t hate it, this close. He could feel it coming from Kotetsu’s chest. From his heart. "Then you’ll come?"

"Of course I will, you idiot." He huffed and rested his head back on the man’s shoulder. He was so tired. And Kotetsu was so warm and that hand on his hair felt so nice.

"You’re falling asleep on me here…"

"Shut up and let me." He muttered, closing his eyes and floating in the feeling of being surrounded by Kotetsu.

"All right…All right."

Silence. He was nearly asleep when, “Hey Bunny…”

"Hmmmm?" Too sleepy not to even correct him anymore.

"It’s just passed midnight. Merry Christmas…" He could feel a press of lips against his temple and his heart fluttered.

He just clung tighter and smiled, allowing himself to drift, wishing that it had been his lips. “Merry Christmas, Kotetsu.” He managed before letting sleep take him. He knew that tight in this man’s arms, there would be no nightmares tonight. Tonight or ever again, if he had his way.


End file.
